Invulnerability within Vulnerability

I grew up with a perpetual fear of failure. In my youth, this fear subconsciously consumed me and drove me to avoid doing things I wasn’t sure I would be good at. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that there are very few things in the world I could be good at without ever trying them (maybe I’m just not very talented, lol). I genuinely believe this problem caused me to miss out on many opportunities growing up.

Throughout the last decade of consciously tackling this issue, I’ve realized that it stems from a deeper fear of judgment from others. However, since identifying the root, I’ve been able to gradually combat the fear by finding beauty in admitting trying my best: I call this invulnerability within vulnerability.

I’ve learned not to feel shame in studying hard for an exam just to fail, training hard for a tournament just to lose, and loving someone with all my heart just for it not to work out. This felt extremely uncomfortable at first when interacting with others, as I believe judgment is natural, despite whether or not someone is truly judgmental. However, I find that over time, this openness has allowed me to foster deeper connections with those who truly care about me and filter out those who don’t. I also find that this openness is not always appreciated, but it is most times genuinely respected.